Just Another Night
This is the last day of 2009, only hours away from 2010. A new year’s eve, they say. At least based on Gregorian calendar. Let’s see… For me, tonight’s just another night. Only louder than usual because my neighbors are blowing the trumpet like maniacs, even since the sun hasn’t set.
What do people do in nights like tonight? OK, most people celebrate. Some contemplate. Some just sleep. I guess I’m among the latter kind. I already spent the afternoon with Dexter. It was awesome.
I wonder what God has in store for me next year. The last couple of months have been quite a trial for me. I’ve been effed up in so many different aspects. Made me kinda reconsider everything. I don’t know.
I wish I will know, tomorrow.
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Tags: God, Life, New Year
Change
I don’t like change. Change is not good. Especially change that is not initiated by me.
People say change brings a breath of fresh air. But not for me. I like status quo.
Like how u have changed. When u walked one step away from me, I have runned three miles away from u.
That is how much I don’t like it. U better have gone as an entity than continuing existing without the same meaning.
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Tags: Life, Love
Three Mistakes
One, for making me as a backup plan.
Two, for asking why I’m angry.
Three, for saying such suggestion.
Wtf?!
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Tags: Anger, Lust
I Sold My Soul to the Devil
Last night I have done something that I wouldn’t think of.
Not in a million years.
But the power is too strong for me to handle. And I know I won’t be satisfied. Not until I get what I want.
It’s not love or affection that drove me to it. It’s lust and obsession.
I know it won’t last forever. I just care about the fact that I enjoy it now.
Yes I know if I get hurt, it’s not because of you, but because of me.
I take my chances.
I’ve made my decision and swallowed my pride and I won’t regret it.
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Don’t you dare
Don’t you even dare to think about it.
Don’t. Stop it. Just don’t.
No, don’t even bring it up. Please. You know you’ll regret it.
Don’t.
Don’t.
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Everyday, every minute, every second. I’m so tired, can’t you see? I wish everything could go to the way it used to be. This thing being non-existent. It’s supposed to be easy. Why is it so hard? God, please help me. I can’t sink lower. I can’t go deeper. Stop this right now. Oh distraction, distraction, where are you when I need you?
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Welcome Back!
Welcome back to my life, sayang! You’ve gone quite a while. What a nice surprise. Wonder what’s in your store for me this time.. 
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The Stupidest Mistake
I made the stupidest mistake two days ago, talking about what I know could never ever be mentioned in this thing I’m in. Stupid, stupid. I don’t wanna talk about it with with anyone, cos any of them would probably say, I told you so.
Now I have to live with the consequences. I cannot take back what happened. Oh my God, I can’t believe I let myself brought up that topic. Very stupid. Whatever shit he thinks about me now is definitely for me to blame. And whatever thing he’s doing to handle what he thinks happened because of that conversation is also for me to blame.
I just hate myself so much right now. It will never be the same anymore. No more fun like it used to be. If only, if only. But nothing’s gonna change. What’s done is done. I’m just gonna disappear for a while. Detoxify myself.
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What a month!
Finally I can see half of my bed without anything lying on top of it but my two pillows. You guys who really know me probably already have a clue on how tough this last one month has been on my life. Really really adventurous if I must say. And definitely not something that I would forget soon.
Anyway, now that I’ve got my life back on track, I have to do my best to keep it going in the right direction.
No more distractions please. Focus.
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