I don’t like change. Change is not good. Especially change that is not initiated by me.

People say change brings a breath of fresh air. But not for me. I like status quo.

Like how u have changed. When u walked one step away from me, I have runned three miles away from u.

That is how much I don’t like it. U better have gone as an entity than continuing existing without the same meaning.

One, for making me as a backup plan.
Two, for asking why I’m angry.
Three, for saying such suggestion.
Wtf?!

A day for a day.

Last night I have done something that I wouldn’t think of.
Not in a million years.
But the power is too strong for me to handle. And I know I won’t be satisfied. Not until I get what I want.
It’s not love or affection that drove me to it. It’s lust and obsession.
I know it won’t last forever. I just care about the fact that I enjoy it now.
Yes I know if I get hurt, it’s not because of you, but because of me.
I take my chances.
I’ve made my decision and swallowed my pride and I won’t regret it.

Don’t you even dare to think about it.

Don’t. Stop it. Just don’t.

No, don’t even bring it up. Please. You know you’ll regret it.

Don’t.

Don’t.

Everyday, every minute, every second. I’m so tired, can’t you see? I wish everything could go to the way it used to be. This thing being non-existent. It’s supposed to be easy. Why is it so hard? God, please help me. I can’t sink lower. I can’t go deeper. Stop this right now. Oh distraction, distraction, where are you when I need you?

Welcome back to my life, sayang! You’ve gone quite a while. What a nice surprise. Wonder what’s in your store for me this time..

I made the stupidest mistake two days ago, talking about what I know could never ever be mentioned in this thing I’m in. Stupid, stupid. I don’t wanna talk about it with with anyone, cos any of them would probably say, I told you so.

Now I have to live with the consequences. I cannot take back what happened. Oh my God, I can’t believe I let myself brought up that topic. Very stupid. Whatever shit he thinks about me now is definitely for me to blame. And whatever thing he’s doing to handle what he thinks happened because of that conversation is also for me to blame.

I just hate myself so much right now. It will never be the same anymore. No more fun like it used to be. If only, if only. But nothing’s gonna change. What’s done is done. I’m just gonna disappear for a while. Detoxify myself.

Finally I can see half of my bed without anything lying on top of it but my two pillows. You guys who really know me probably already have a clue on how tough this last one month has been on my life. Really really adventurous if I must say. And definitely not something that I would forget soon.

Anyway, now that I’ve got my life back on track, I have to do my best to keep it going in the right direction.

No more distractions please. Focus.

Isn’t it a wonder how as a human being, you realize that as life goes on, you compromise? All the limits you set, all the boundaries you made, all shift or even gone completely.

The kind of person that I have become, or in the making, is definitely not someone that I would ever thought I’d be. I just couldn’t help it from happening.

I was bedazzled.

He is so wrong, but yet so right.

And the seduction.. oh man, that was the hardest part.

You know how you are supposed to be feeling sorry for the sins you’ve committed and promise to never do it again? Well, none of it applies.

I can’t wait to have another sip.